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Brandon_lil_boy
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Name: Brandon
Birthday: 11/27/1990
Gender: Male
Interests: Cars, United States Marine Corps, nice people
Expertise: eatting bbq
Occupation: Soon to be College Student!
Industry: Automotive
Message: message me
AIM:  MrCooki3s
Member Since:
11/12/2007
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| Today I had lunch with one of my professors, while she was walking into classes back at school. As we discussed the finals and talked about life, we talked about how I got into school. So I told him back to the time I was in high school, my military career, and my previous job. When I got to my previous job, he asked me, "why did you quit your job to go to school if you liked it so much?" I quit because she asked me to start going to school with her and she told me that she and I could take the challenge together. Since I brought up the subject about her. He goes on to ask how I fall for her and how did I get with her. I paused for a moment and thought about what to say. He could tell on my face that I had sort of a confusion in my mind. I was about to say something, but he spoke before I could, "You and her are like opposites, I wonder how you two got together." He explained that I am such a talkative person and person who does everything without a plan. While she is much more reserve, she likes to study, works hard for her dreams, and she plans her day with perfection. It's almost easy to tell she is totally different of me. I was having lunch with my professor while she rushed into class since five in the morning trying to get more credits. She worked so hard she forgot to eat breakfast and lunch. She sat though each class with gleaming eyes as the professors turned her down. I could taste her pain as she got turned down by the professors with each bite. I looked down and speechless with a nod. He tries to change the mood by saying that it can be a good thing too. I complete her and she completes me, because she needs to be more extravert while I need to be the opposite. However it's not he had a point, how did I fall for a girl that was different from me? What is worst is that I noticed that I feel like I want her more lately and the fact that she been out with a guy alone just to hang out. Perhaps I am just jealous. But am I just being selfish and saying "I love you" to feel warm or is she too good for a guy like me?
I wonder if that is how you feel about me too...I'm just wondering you don't have to answer if you don't to. I don't plan to take my words back about you, but I want know what you and her are thinking sometimes...
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| I was driving to Pendleton again last week with her. When she asked me several questions..."What does it mean if girl rejects a guy and the guy can't let go?" I just kept driving as though I couldn't hear her. Again she asked in a more serious tone. I tried to laugh and make a joke, but she pressed on for a answer. "When a guy can't let go of a girl after he got rejected, it just means the guy really is in love with this girl..." She didn't look satisfied, but she asked again, "What if a guy breaks up with a girl and he forgets about her in a week? Then does it mean the guy never loved her?" I just bit my lip lightly and spoke trying to steady my voice, "Maybe it depends on the guy...you can't say the guy never loved her." She looked worried as she stared at me. At this point I was just expecting something bad to happen, she was about to say something, but I just cut her off before she could say anything. "Honey, it's ok..." and I held her hand. She was quiet for a long while, just gripping my hand. I could feel her calmily hands. She was nervious and scared as much as I was. She turns her head towards me and softly says, " I love you..." I just nod as I looked like I was really focused on the road. I couldn't say those words back to her. I was afraid that might be lying to her and the worst part is to lie to myself. Her questions kept reminding me of you. I don't want to be reminded of you. I want to talk to you, but there is not much to talk about since it's my problem. I don't need to stress anyone else. I just had to let my thoughts out...I have too much time to think about you and her.
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| I guess I should have expected this from the beginning..."Out of sight, Out of mind". I never thought I would hear these words from you to me. I know I have someone else, but I just don't know why it always ends up here at this stand still. I tried so hard to make it just go away, but it comes back and it makes it hard to breathe. You are right, I disapprove many guys because I have feelings for you, but not that reason alone though. I would be honestly be happy if you wanted to be my girlfriend but it would hurt much more because you would be a lying to me. You tell me, "I'm willing to do it because I'm tired of this. It's not that I don't appreciate all that you've done for me..." So I'm telling you, "I'm tired of this too. I'm happy that you realize all that I have done. But I just think your worth fighting for." A temporary goodbye? How many days has it been since we had a normal conversation? Not that long? I just feel that distance growing. "You wouldn't be a bad boyfriend, but you'd make a better friend to me. I'm sorry." Of course I would...I was always trying too hard to be a good friend like always. You say "goodbye" and walk away. Here I stand just I like did two summers ago with the same feeling. Sorries are suppose to be sweet, would it make a difference if they taste like a sour patch?
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| Today I couldn't tell if it was just a cold day in December or I was still in a nightmare. All I can hear is tapping sounds all round, ta ta ta...I soon realize I was woke up to the rain pouring outside. Feeling the chills outside, I decided to hide under the warmth of my sheets. My moment of hibernation was interupted by my phone as someone just texted me. It was her, she wanted me to go with her to the movies with her friends. As I looked at the time it was quarter to two in the afternoon, so I got my lazy self out of bed and got cleanned up and made sure the doors and the windows were locked. Before I left the house, I got a few text messages from her to take her friends back when they were done with the movies following with a sorry for asking me to go just to take them back. I just agreed without much resistance. First of of all, I ditched her last time and second I feel bad that I never think of her. So I headed in the wet and cold to meet her at the movies. Traffic on the 10 was so packed today...yet I rushed there as fast as I could. Somehow this reminds me how I would rush to get to you. Times where I feel so tired and scared, but all that was on my mind was you. As I looked for the parking, I get another set of text messages was from her, she said that she didn't need me to come, but if I was there just join them. The movie had started for about 15 minutes in and me being a asian driver couldn't find a close parking spot. I had a ways to go before I got to the Movies. The stairs reminded me of running stairs to get to you. Running though tons of people reminded me of the time I was trying to find you in the crowd. While thinking about all this I felt as though the world just stood still and I flew though everything and everyone in my way. I got to the movies and found her waiting for me with a ticket. I thanked her as we walked in the the dark. The music and the actors could be heard where she walked me to the seats. I just felt so distant even when sitting next to her. I took her cold hand and she just smiled politely back at me. As my warmth brings her hand to life, I look at her and your image became hers. I was fooled and stared with a surprised awe. I almost called you out, but as she looked at me and I snapped out of the trance. I just smiled without knowing I was doing. The funny thing she asked me which movie I liked and why I looked at her funny in the movie. I told her,"You" are my favorite part of the movie I like the most. I don't think she knows I was talking about, but she wasn't mad though.
Lately you have been really busy. I wish I could be much more honest with myself and just give up. I have had wanted to talk to you about this even if you were going to get mad. I feel so confused with my feelings. I understand it's hard and there isn't much you can do for someone you don't have any feelings for. I wish I could figure all this out before I make a big mistake.
I once read this quote,"When you love someone; you don't give up."
I wonder if I can...
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| This morning I just couldn't sleep...I hate this feeling that I want to sleep but can't. Too many things in my mind, I love her a lot. But why is that I can't see that when I see you? She's nice, kind, sweet, caring. You at times get mad and throw a fit at people, however you have moments where you just shine and the guys can't resist your smile or your angry face. I can say this because, I'm not the only one who thinks this as well. I feel as though she means something to me, but you weigh much much more in my heart. I hate that it has to be that way. Just like the song from Sean Kingston, "beautiful girls". When I'm not with you, your much on my mind . When your with me, time just flies for me. I like it very much when we have a good time. It very defined that your one of a kind, but you have me going crazy for you when you throw a fit and get mad. You have many moments that make you so cute, all the guys get attracted to you. Yet some how you don't seem to notice what you do to guys, you had 5 guys over you at one time! That's 4x better than most girls. I don't want to be one of them, but you have me hooked on even when I broke loose. She doesn't know much about you, but the other day, she was out with her friends and dropped my name, someone mentioned your name with my's. I shouldn't be worried at all, but why do I get this feeling I have to avoid her from knowing who you are? I feel guilty that I share my heart between two girls...what choices do I have?
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